20 dollars for a BJ --- 50 to go round the world, what do you suppose that means?

So, I went to look at a batch of pups right here on the island. I am a dog person. You know --- dog people? Me… I pulled my car in front of the tiny, well kept house with a huge truck in the driveway. It was covered with bumper stickers with catchy slogans like, "My other dog is a Labrador," and "Ask me about my Lab" or Lab on Board." While I rang the doorbell I was admiring the "Dog Gone Crazy" door-mat when down the hall came two impossibly tiny balls of fluff. They were romping, half-attacking each other until finally collapsing into a yellow mound of teeth and tongues and paws. Then the woman came --- it seemed incredible that a woman that large could fit into a body that short. I don't want to say she was fat. Although fat is a word one might use. She filled the hallway and some of the wall snatching the pups up in her chubby hands --- they disappeared into her somehow. But where, under her arm? Incredible. While I tried to sort that out, scrunching up my eyes --- while she invited me in. It took some rather intricate maneuvering to get her turned around and me clear of the door. I realized the enormity of the situation as she walked away. There were rolls and curves confined in pants constructed of a material that had to have been developed by NASA not Layne Bryant. We entered a larger room and I was met by the mother of the two puppies --- holding a tennis ball in her mouth. She waggled over with such ferocity that I thought she might shake apart. This dog was "thrilled" to see me! Her tail circled her plump posterior like a demonic propeller --- with a blade missing. A typical Labrador retriever. A nice old gal --- from the looks of her she had been a mom before. She plopped down on my feet flipping as if to show off her rather fetching rows of shiny red teats. I was just about to reach down to pat her went I felt a warm sensation in my feet. Seems she was so excited to see me that she decided to empty her bladder on my shoes. Nice… Now I have to ask --- why is it when things like this happen owners seem oblivious? Denial? "Oopsie daisy, we are having a little pee pee --- aren't we excited to see the nice man Candy?" I was considering the multiple possibilities nested in amongst the pluralities of that statement --- when she chimed in again. "Sometimes we go tinkles when we get excited!" We? I considered that again. "Just precious, my little mommy!" She held her chubby hands up by her head and twisted her face up as if she had just witnessed the single cutest act ever. By the look of her carpet I guessed that Candy was prolifically cute. Well, I was here to see the… It suddenly occurred to me that I could see both the woman's hands but no puppies. Were they somewhere "on" her --- perhaps orbiting her in some gravitational pull? Still not finished welcoming me, Candy hopped to her feet and covered in her own urine proceeded to shake herself all over my legs. Nice. Then she dropped the ball at my urine soaked feet and stared intently at it --- I considered the ball for a moment and looked back in an instant to see that the woman had a puppy in each hand. What a magician --- how'd she do that? I didn't want to think where they might have been as she extended her arms to me and I took the pups. They were just as cute as can be --- smelled rather odd --- but little and fluffy and with all the licking and squirming I barely noticed the urine running down my arm. I realized what was up when it reached my arm pit. She noticed and was on it in a flash. "Oppsie daisy, they are their mother's daughters, aren't they little treasures?" She was at it again, positively beaming with maternal pride. What the hell man? I appreciate being supportive really --- but come on! I had to get out of there before anyone else decided to relieve themselves on me. If they were this thrilled about pee can you imagine the excitement when they all took a dump on the nice man? Dogs right? I'm a dog person.